Practise and the ‘fantastic’

It’s been a long-standing insistent itch of mine to want to know more, be more and to be somewhere that is more. This phase of ‘the path (?)’is different in tonality. Possibly because I am neither in my excitable 20’s where all my inquiries were speculative. Nor am I in the solid but still effervescent early 30’s where I sought some kind of consensus from others into the nature of reality, especially my own (as if that was ever going to be possible). Even those age milestones statements inadequately articulate where I was or what my relation ship with TSM was.

I think I sought Utopia, someplace ‘good’. And I wanted this good place to be now and here. By wanting that I was critiquing the world of my everyday now. This was necessary, hence the itch. But my agenda is powered by the promise that I read in the words and between them of ‘worlds’. Worlds and experiences that were open to me if…… and if only..To read along with Seth was to find myself intrigued and teased, even seduced by the possibilities. Something was roused and aroused by this ‘talk’ of the extra that I could become and that this extra was ‘ordinary’ and native. Not the thrill of turning water into wine, or the base into the profound, it was something more elusive. Although for many years I have called myself a metaphysician, I don’t think I am that or was ever that. I am driven by the same things that drove Vermeer’s astronomer. A desire to know and to experience myself through that knowing. It’s very ‘interior’ yet that interiority has logic.

I find something very intimate in the delivery, syntax, grammar and rhythms of the material- a type of coaxing. I thought I could take it or leave it. But? I thought Seth only made passing reference to Cordellas, now I find a whole realm of material on them in the deleted sessions.

I can explore or withdraw and attempt a re immersion in FW1 and not apply myself. There is no compulsion but I would not succeed either way because I am no longer familiar enough to fit, somewhere along I burnt a bridge. Jane herself is coming to the fore as a major inspiration in her fleshiness and her practise.

Words get distorted out of shape by the passage of time and common usage but there is something a sound, which threads along side my reading of TSM that speaks of the fantastic, and the fabulous and I use these word with their older usages. Marcel Chagall was called a painter of the ‘fantastic’ because he insisted in his paintings and within his logic that these fantastical environments made sense.